


welcome to the big 'ol incestuous slumber party

by sryr



Series: dave spoiled by two idiots [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Incest, M/M, Multi, Sibling Incest, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 05:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20058706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sryr/pseuds/sryr
Summary: Dave just wanted his brothers to go the fuck to sleep.Alternatively titled, Dave being spoiled by two idiots.





	welcome to the big 'ol incestuous slumber party

**Author's Note:**

> what started as me going on one of my usual tangents about how much i love hal turned abruptly into me wanting dave/hal that then spiraled into dirk/dave/hal. bc im me this also then turned into a twin au and ig the rest is history. i'd say there's more background set up to this AU but there really isn't and i was on the fence posting it because of that but im a self indulgent fuck and we're here to have fun.
> 
> dirk and hal are 19 and dave is 17. at some point ill sit down and write HOW this train wreck started the way it did bc it mostly started with dirk and hal stress relief angry fucking and spiraled into spoiling dave. all you really need to know is that they love each other and that's all i care to elaborate on. 
> 
> ty kelsey for both enabling me to go my true path and also for editing this! also blame her for the title bc i kept saying i should make it an actual title and she insisted this one was too "perfect" and what dave would want so.

It’s not unusual for Dave to end up sandwiched between his brothers—either in a completely innocent manner or, more often than not, one that isn’t in the slightest. Though even when it is innocent, there’s a decent chance things end up messy at one point or another. Hal could probably give an accurate percentage to how often things end up that way since they started up with whatever it is they’re calling this, but he’s a little busy to be calculating something like that. 

That was the point though wasn’t it? Both Dirk and Hal never seem to know how to quit for the evening and put down whatever projects they’re in the middle of, and it’s one thing to stay up late every now and then, but this is nearing fifty-four hours, which is something Dave refuses to stand for. The both of them grouchy as fuck when working on so little sleep (however much they insists it helps with getting shit done) and Dave isn’t going to deal with it for another day. Also, supposedly it isn’t healthy or something too? Imagine that. 

They’re insistent about arguing with each other or Dave on the topic, but he knows just how to get what he wants. Even if they kick, scream and whine in their own way of doing so, neither of them are truly capable of saying no to their baby brother. It’s only decent of him to use this power for good and not just to wheedle his way into taking the last bag of Doritos. 

Hal’s room is closest and whatever gets started there is more likely to drag Dirk out of his room faster than anything instigated over text. More often than not, Dirk doesn’t even see messages left for him when he’s deep in coding and tends to act like a zombie the moment someone tries to physically get his attention instead. Despite this, Dave has often found the noises are sure to draw his attention, and unlike his twin, Hal doesn’t need to be distracted from anything. He’s better at multitasking in that regard, much to Dirk’s frequent annoyance every time the subject is broached—something Dave does his best to stay out of, because both of them are insufferable once a pissing contest is sparked. 

He’s in the same spot he was earlier that day when he tried nudging both of them into eating some kind of dinner, and something tells Dave that if he had started with Dirk, he’d be greeted with a mirror image. Honestly, it’s hilarious how much they argue over their differences when there are so many things like this they had in common. 

“Hal? C’mon, it’s bed time. ‘Bout to fluff these pillows and Applejack’s already over here ready to get her snooze on. You’re missing out on this prime sleepover, bro,” Dave says as he actually goes and tidies what little there is to tidy of his brother’s bed. Seeing as it’s hardly been used in now almost fifty-five hours, it looks about the same as it did the last time he popped his head in. 

“Hmm, but she just gave me a great pep talk about this bug I’ve been trying to work out, so I’m not so sure. You should really brush up on your lore; she’s all about getting shit done and knows I’m still good to keep going,” Hal fires back, hardly even turning his head. Dave breathes a sigh through his nose, if only to avoid making his irritation more obvious. Why are they both so stupid? 

“Look, both you and Dirk have been doing that thing you guys do. Y’know, that thing where you just shut the world out and lose track of almost three days on whatever computer nonsense it is you dudes get up to.” He switches topics now, moving over to balance on the back of Hal’s chair and not caring that his leaning on it is likely shifting the balance back in an annoying way.

“Like is this just another stupid competition where the first to pass the fuck out needs to chug an entire gallon of milk or some shit because both aren’t really good ideas. Pretty sure you can get a case of death in either scenario and I gotta say I’m way too fond of you chucklefucks to let it end like that. Dirk’s already got this weird fucking notion that if he’s gotta go it’s gonna involve him being decapitated in some fashion, and I don’t even wanna go there because shit’s nasty enough as is, and the guy doesn’t seem to get that it’s not cool to talk about that kinda shit so casually.”

Parts of the monitor are dark enough not to irritate Hal’s eyes while sitting in an equally dark room, so it isn’t hard for Dave to see his expression shift to one of concentration. It’s difficult to say whether he’s just trying to piece together what he wants to say, or if he’s trying to block Dave out, the second of which the younger sibling refuses to let stand. He’s about to speak up and say as much when Hal finally answers him.

“I don’t know or really care what Dirk’s up to—I just want to finish this before Thursday, since the deadline is Friday. That leaves plenty of time to double check everything, and maybe get a tip if it’s done early.”

“Bro, you do realize it’s Monday, right. You’ve been working on this since Friday.”

Hal’s eyebrows furrow again, fingers finally stopping their typing, as if suddenly forced to acknowledge that his body might actually not want to keep up with what he’s doing as much as his head is somehow evidently doing.

Taking advantage of the fact he’s now stopped focusing on the screen as heavily, Dave leans forward enough to brush his lips by his brother’s neck. “I was just thinking you could use a break. And a nap. Dirk too. ”

“So this concern is purely about our health and nothing to do with getting your dick wet?” Hal teases, but obligingly tilts his neck. Dave doesn’t actually do anything else besides nuzzle into the spot as his brother reaches for his phone. 

“You really think Dirk’ll answer? I was thinking if we got rowdy he’d come on over,” Dave comments watching idly as Hal unlocks his phone and ignores the ridiculous way his heart flips at seeing a screen cap from one of his comics as the background. It’s not like he hasn’t seen it before—Dirk has something just as stupid that he’s made as his background and Dave’s embarrassed at how simple and mushy it makes him. 

“He’ll answer. Eventually,” Hal answers, enjoying the contact more than he realized. When was the last time they’d been close like this? Has it really been almost three days? Either way, he has a task at hand—which is to say that he’d be texting Dirk multiple messages one word at a time until he’s forced to wonder why his phone refuses to stop blinking or buzzing. He isn’t actually sure if Dirk left it on silent or not. 

Bro.  
Hey  
want  
to  
play  
a  
game?  
The  
chances  
of  
saying  
no  
are  
about  
0  
.  
0  
0  
0  
0  


What the fuck are you doing? I’m busy.  


Yeah, so was I.  


So, again, why are you bugging me?  


You better not be doing this just to pass the time while waiting for something to download or compile again.  


Nah, Dave’s here. If you know what I mean ヾ ( ・ ω ・ ) メ ( ・ ω ・ ) ノ  


Oh, well. Tell him I said hello?  


Are you being dense on purpose? It’s not like you don’t know what that means.  


Do you really think you’re going to be able to keep working, knowing we’re going down to boner city? We got our tickets and bags strapped the fuck in, and you’re just going to sit over there and waste the opportunity?  


You’re going to make Dave cry. Poor kid spent his life savings on tickets and you’re throwing yours in the trash and yelling at me for forwarding the email.  


Did you run out of printer ink? We could always print it over here.

Hal’s fingers stop the second he hears movement outside in the hall—it wasn’t like he was going anywhere in particular with this joke, and it stops mattering the moment Dirk opens his door and passes the threshold. 

“See, I told you he’d answer,” Hal laughs, “Hoped you saved whatever you were in the middle of; Dave wants us to go to bed.” 

Dirk’s eyebrows rise questioningly, as the texts implied something different, but it’s obvious in hindsight. That would be the only method Dave would think of as effective. As he takes in the scene of his brothers cuddling by the chair, an almost identical thought passes through his head about it being far too long since they’ve last done anything. 

“I… guess a nap couldn’t hurt,” Dirk acquiesces in a tone that clearly implies he’s more than okay with these circumstances seeing as they’d be doing more than nap. The only oddity is that it’s been a bit since they’ve done it in Hal’s room, and he tries to avoid his twin’s room if he can help it. They stopped sharing a room as kids and had a silent, but agreed upon treaty to give each other space. Not that Hal always followed it, but some of those instances Dirk couldn’t even find himself to be too irritated with once he figured out his brother wasn’t actually doing it to spite him. 

“Oh thank fucking god. I thought you were gonna start arguing about it too, and this dry spell has been killing me. Also, literally killing you two. Why the hell am I the only dude in this fucked up family that has any sense of self-preservation, or at least acknowledges I’m a being that needs to eat, sleep and piss? If it weren’t for me I think you guys would just permanently become attached to your shit and—_ Mmh _.”

Dirk cuts off Dave’s complaints as he’d turned towards him to give them once he’d made it clear he was planning on staying. This isn’t the first time either of them had been subjected to a Dave-style rant about the dangers of hyperfocusing, and while normally he’d let his baby brother get the speech out there before ignoring it, he’s suddenly hungry for the contact he’s been jealous of since the second he entered the room. 

Unfortunately because of their positions, Hal’s still trapped between his desk and where he’d been seated in the chair, but he’s not really complaining either as he watches the two of them. It isn’t long anyway until Dirk is tugging the bottom of Dave’s tee to indicate he wants him in the direction of the bed. 

They get as far as the foot of it before Hal’s able to roll out enough to get up and scoot around them to grab the equine doll Dave has lovingly, and ironically, tucked in. Dirk, seemingly impatient at the interruption, stares at him in such a way that Hal can tell he’s rolling his eyes, even with his shades on. The expression was directed at him quite frequently after all.  
  
“Sorry I don’t want to subject Applejack to our hedonistic den of incestuous pursuits. I’m into voyeurism, but that’s a little too much even for me. It’s not like I’m trying to win us a spot in the Guinness Debauchery World Records,” Hal quips, bringing the plushie a little closer to his chest before less than gracefully chucking it in the nearby closet. He’ll take her out and apologize properly later. Right now he’s too busy trying to catch up with Dirk, who’s somehow already managed to get Dave out of 60% of his clothes, including his shades, amidst Hal’s spiel and pony tossing. 

Crawling in from the side, he’s quick to make space for Dave to lay back on him, and if he wasn’t already starting to get hard, he’d seriously consider napping right there and then. It’s kind of pathetic how easily touch-starved he gets when like this, and with the way Dirk’s retracing patterns he’s already memorized across Dave’s chest with his hands and lips, Hal knows he’s not the only one. Sometimes he wonders if both of them would sincerely forget they’re supposed to be human if they didn’t have Dave. 

With that thought in mind, he tilts his baby brother’s head enough to kiss him while Dirk gives equal attention on his front. Dirk nudges the both of them to get Dave’s attention in lifting his hips so he can get his pants and underwear off. Hal breaks the kiss long enough to get his own shades off and on the bedside table as well as taking the foresight to get what they’d need from the drawer now as opposed to when they’d be even more distracted.

“Hey Dirk, catch,” Hal warns before throwing the bottle of lube at him and leaving the condom accessible for later. He feels warm as Dave scoots back just a bit further, practically into his lap, as he makes space for Dirk to start opening him up. In an effort to distract him from tensing up without intending to, and simply because he wants to, Hal takes to licking and sucking along his shoulder and neck at about the same time Dirk manages to work the first finger in. 

On some level, it should be claustrophobic to suddenly have so little space with Hal behind him and Dirk moving in to kiss him as he finger fucks him, but Dave can only feel safe between his brothers and glad they are finally paying attention to him. He’s growing more distracted as Dirk’s swallowing up his moans, to the point where he doesn’t catch the fact he’s pleading for a second finger already until he feels it breaching him. Hal’s teeth clamp down on his jugular at the same time Dirk curls his fingers to find his prostate and Dave can’t think anymore. 

It isn’t long until one hickey turns into four and two fingers turn into three, as Dave pants centimeters away from Dirk’s mouth. He should feel embarrassed at seeing his own depraved expressions reflected back in Dirk’s shades, but it only serves to remind him that between the three of them, he’s the only one still bespectacled. When he shakily brings a hand up to remove them, Dirk can only let out a puff of barely there laughter at his brother’s fondness. After Dave loosely manages to deposit them on a surface where they won’t get broken, he brings his arms back up to wrap around Dirk’s shoulders. 

“So, squirt, which one of us you want tonight?” Hal asks between licking the shell of Dave’s ear and gently rubbing his sides. 

“Don’t care. One of you just hurry up and fuck me,” Dave whines feeling far too overwhelmed from the attention and way too empty now.

Hal shrugs from behind Dave at Dirk, “Well I’m in a better position for it. I mean my dick is right here and his ass is right _ here _—” he punctuates his point by squeezing Dave’s ass.

“Now hold on a minute, bro. I did all the prep work. You just held him and went vampire on his neck. Looks to me like you’re more eager to put that mouth of yours to use than anything else. You certainly never shut the fuck up so it must get a lot of practice.” 

“I could also fuck you instead. Just putting that thought out there, while we’re talking about possibilities. When’s the last time you had a dick up your ass, Dirk? It might help you chill the fuck out and unlodge the stick that seems perpetually stuck up there.”

“Fucking hell in a hand basket or whatever the fuck the saying is, can one of you _ please _ just do something besides argue over who has the bigger dick?” Dave squirms in irritation and Hal sucks in a breath as he unintentionally—or maybe totally on purpose—presses his backside up against his dick. 

“Just… come here. Turn around so we can do things the way they were always going to happen anyway.”

Hal shoots Dirk a look at that, since he’s always saying shit like that as if his plans are somehow inferior, but it’s not like he’s opposed to sucking Dave off. He has a nice dick and for as much as Dirk was trying to be insulting Hal knows he has a talented mouth. Dirk, knowing he’s got his way, works at undressing, not really caring where his clothes ended up. Minutes after, he swipes the condom Hal left out on the dresser and lubes up his cock. Reluctantly, Hal lets go of Dave, oddly more disappointed at ending the sweet hug they had going on than at the fact it isn’t his dick going in him. He takes advantage of the space to finish undressing too seeing as he was suddenly far too overdressed compared to his brothers. As Dave slides over to now sit on Dirk’s lap, said brother holds his hips to steady him and Hal moves to hold Dave’s hands while he slowly slides down. 

“I have you,” Dirk murmurs next to Dave’s ear, as he mistakes his trembling for discomfort, when really he’s just overwhelmed. Hal is slow as he lets go of Dave’s hands and instead traces his fingers down his stomach to hold his thighs. Once, Dave’s in a comfortable enough state to start shifting his hips, Hal takes that as a sign to do more than teasingly rub at edges of his thighs. Opening his mouth, as colorfully suggested by his twin, he keeps things gentle, only paying attention to the head of Dave’s cock, both in an effort to not wind him up too much too fast, but also because he’d like to get a handle on things before the pace gets too chaotic. 

Dave’s eyes are squeezed shut, though Hal can’t help giving him an amused grin each time he tries looking down. Said grin is in equal parts directed at Dirk, who is falling into his element of whispering whatever filthy thought falls into his head in Dave’s ear, clearly satisfied about getting what he wanted. Between the both of them, Hal didn’t know which one was more spoiled, honestly. Probably Dave, considering the situation, but Dirk could be just as much of a brat. It just wasn’t nearly as endearing. Maybe next time he should talk Dave into making a plan to tag team Dirk like this though getting him to go along with being the middle of the sandwich was always so difficult. 

The thought of fucking Dirk shouldn’t excite him nearly as much as it does, because he knows he’d do nothing but complain the entire time and after the fact, but between that and what’s going on in front of him, Hal’s moaning as he takes more of Dave into his mouth. 

He catches snippets of Dirk spreading that same filthiness in regards to him being a cock slut, to which he can only send a perplexed stare in his direction. Despite the retorts lingering on the tip of his preoccupied tongue, Dirk’s comments and Dave’s subsequent accidental thrusts have him letting out more noises than perhaps he’d intended. Dirk only seems arrogant about his assessment, and more or less says so, encouraging Dave to look down again. 

He can feel the way his dick twitches in his mouth in reaction, and for some reason it’s only in that moment that he properly remembers his own dick and how much he could be touching it right now. 

As he works between trying to fuck his hand and suck Dave off, it becomes increasingly clear that with the way Dirk’s fucking Dave and how little control the younger sibling was managing, he was starting to thrust into Hal’s mouth more often than not. Luckily, it isn’t a problem for long.

Between the both of them, Dave’s already squirming again, and the twins can tell he’s close. 

“Do you want to come, Dave?” Dirk asks as his hands tighten on Dave’s hips. It takes a moment for Dave to even register that the words were a question and not just another filthy passing thought, but he can only tilt his head in the direction of Dirk’s mouth to indicate he needs it repeated. He lets out a ragged moan as the question is repeated, and his shaking intensifies as he’s able to fully recognize he’s on the brink.

“Please, please, fuck. C-Can I?” Dave begs, unable to tell what mood Dirk is in. It seems he’s less than generous tonight, though, as he only hums, acknowledging his brother’s response. In reality, Dirk’s just eager for things to continue at least a little longer. 

“You can do better than that. Do you really want it?” Dirk pushes, sending a brief glance down to confirm that he’s not the only one enjoying the show. 

“F-Fuck, _ please _ . Daddy can I?” Dave whines even more, guessing that’s what Dirk wants. He can’t really help it anyway when he’s this close and can feel the way Dirk’s pace stutters in reaction to the word. He does, however, miss the way Hal’s eyes shoot up to catch Dirk’s in a less than friendly stare, but it’s covered quickly instead by the fact Dirk finally allows Dave to finish. At least thankful for some kind of warning, it’s relatively easy to swallow what’s given to him. Everything is bringing him close too, but between the normal competitiveness he has with Dirk, as well as the pit of jealousy he can’t help feeling whenever he gets to be Dave’s _ Daddy _, he sits up to kiss Dave, slowing his strokes down enough to try and outlast Dirk. 

Considering their positions, Dirk isn’t actually that far off and ends up finishing soon after, much to Hal’s petty delight. Between Dave and the show they had unintentionally been putting on, it’d been enough to chip away at what little remained of Dirk’s self-control, not that Hal even manages to outlast him by much. There’s about half a minute where they’re just sitting there catching their breath before the exhaustion properly settles in. 

“Fuck I’m tired,” Hal announces first, flopping back to lie down. In front of him, Dave and Dirk look no better—Dave’s eyes are struggling to stay open and while Dirk looks fine on the surface he can tell he’s zoning out like he’s about to fall asleep any minute. If it weren’t for the fact he still had an ass full of Dave and a condom to clean up, he’d probably already be asleep. 

Lazily, he watches his brothers extract themselves from each other and opens his arms for Dave to come crash on him happy to leave the rest of cleaning up for Dirk. Vaguely, he thinks Dave is mumbling about something into his shoulder, but he can’t make out a single word being said and is more focused on the jizz still on his hand, which is getting gross. His sheets will definitely need a washing too, but that is tomorrow’s problem.

“Hey bro? Toss me a tissue, would you? ‘M a little busy,” Hal asks, watching Dirk blearily stumble around as he ties and throws away the condom. He’s almost certain Dirk would tell him to do it himself, but seeing as he has an extremely sleepy Dave on him, his twin does what he asks, and surprisingly, even throws away the tissue for him instead of letting him chuck it into some corner of the room he’d regret finding it in later. 

Without much more arguing thankfully, it’s a relief when Dirk finally slips in on the other side, slinging his arm around Dave, who’s wedged between them and already asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> i might kick around some more stuff in this universe bc this dynamic is Way too much fun and admittedly i have another wip sitting around somewhere, but we'll see what i end up sharing. 
> 
> either way thank you for reading!!! 
> 
> as usual if there's something i missed tagging feel free to remind me! i'm very bad at catching everything because i tend to get flustered, but i try to mostly keep in mind the parts that i wouldn't want someone accidentally stumbling upon/being shocked by.
> 
> EDIT: I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE I FORGOT THE THREESOME TAG EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS THE ENTIRE PREMISE


End file.
